Shark_Fin's Xanga

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 16:59:29 GMT

Changed my layout because I have nothing better to do. It looks prettier, I think.

No updates except I got a job! The first interview I went to and I got it, lol. Beginner's luck, I guess.

Need to try and write more fics. Oh well.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 17:29:03 GMT

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007!

Very late, very sorry. Been a bad Xangaer. Honestly 2007 hasn't exactly started off that well, with the death of MCBC. Yes, it is dead and replaced by MCMB (Meg Cabot Message Board) and with all due respects to Meg and all the admins, it's not the same. There are more rules and my beloved Footie Chat thread is no more...that's what sucks the most, because the Footie Chat thread is one of the best things in my life. Or WAS one of the best things *sigh*

At least I managed to update one of my almost-dead fics. I've lost interest in them, but whatever, I'll try to finish at least one. So here's an excerpt of Forbidden Chapter 12, Fraud -

Suze

I didn’t know how long I just stood there and stared at him, until he asked if he could come in. I was tempted to say no, considering the look on his face and the fact that my apartment was pretty much in a mess.

But I stepped aside, and Dylan practically stomped in, his face like thunder.

I knew this must have something to do with Jesse, and my body quickly filled with cold dread.

“What the hell is going on?” he said all of a sudden, swerving to face me as I closed the door.

I narrowed my eyes. “Shouldn’t I be the one to ask –”

“I mean, you and Jesse. What is going on? First you two are together, then you’re breaking up, then you’re together again and now you’re not? Can’t you two just make up your minds?” he stopped, looking hard at me.

Despite the truth in his words, I felt my blood simmer. I mean, who wanted to wake up on a Sunday morning to be shouted at by your ex-boyfriend’s best friend?

“Dylan, I don’t think it’s any of your damn business,” I snapped, crossing my arms and fixing him an equally hard look.

“Of course it’s my business, when one half of this confusing couple is my best friend and I don’t even know if I can call him my best friend anymore, since I could barely recognize him whenever I see him,” he said, and started pacing around the living room.

I sighed. “Look, I don’t know how much you know, but we decided that we weren’t meant to be together, and that’s it. We’re just not together.”

He stopped and glared at me again. “You mean, both of you decided or you decided?”

“What does it matter? It’s over, okay. Now if you’re here to yell at me-”

“Do you have any idea how bad he’s feeling right now? Huh, Suze? Do you?”

I paused and without invitation, the sadness that was so obvious on Jesse’s face the day I met him flashed into my mind. God only knew how much I understood that look, even on the day of my best friend’s wedding.

“He’s sad. I can understand. I feel the same way…but I know he will get over it,” I said, even though part of me was hoping, selfishly, that he would never get over me.

Dylan scoffed. “You can understand. I see. It’s so easy for you to understand when you’re off with a new guy, starting a new relationship, not thinking twice about the fact you just dumped the man you’re supposedly so in love with not two months ago. Yeah, Suze, I can see how you can understand.”

My face heated at the sarcasm in his tone. I felt ashamed, not because that he thought I didn’t understand but because in actual fact, there was no other man in my life.

I had told so many lies that it wasn’t even hard for me to believe that there could actually be another man in my life. Otherwise, how could I have ended things with Jesse, right? What sane woman would?

“You don’t understand,” was all I could reply, and I knew I had said the wrong thing because he practically went ballistic the next second.

“You’re right, Suze, I don’t understand! I don’t understand how someone like Jesse could change just because of something you did. God dammit, do you have any idea what happened to Jesse last night?”

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 13:38:57 GMT

I haven't been here in ages! Gosh, with all my assignments, exams and icon-making, I just didn't have the time to write my fanfics - therefore my Xanga got abandoned as well. But I'm back now, so hopefully I can get some things done! First things first, recap -

--> I've just finished my last semester in the uni, so now I'm lost and unemployed. I don't know if I want to study more, but I don't feel like working either. So yeah...undecided, that's me.

--> I had my 21st birthday on 10th Nov, and it was okay. Pretty boring actually, except I got some really nice presents and my friend Mindy from Alaska sent me a parcel of Jolly Ranchers! They're really nice

--> I feel bad that I haven't written my fics in a long time...especially since I know for sure that there are people waiting for them. I'm just a perfectionist so I don't want to update just for the sake of updating. It has to be something I can at least be halfway proud of. So wish me luck!

Okay, to make this post less uninteresting -

What are your favourite songs of the year 2006

Bold the ones you love, ~~cross the ones that you don't know~~. Leave those songs that you feel normal with them.

1. Over My Head - Fray
2. My Love- Justin Timberlake
3. Too Little Too Late- JoJo
4. Far Away - Nickleback
5. Lips of an Angel - Hinder
~~6. Say Goodbye - Chris Brown~~
7. Come To Me - Diddy Featuring Nicole Scherzinger
8. Gallery - Mario Vazquez
9. Right Where You Want Me - Jesse McCartney
~~10. White & Nerdy - Weird Al Yankovic~~
11. Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
12. Show Stopper - Danity Kane
13. Fergalicious - Fergie
14. Call Me When Your Sober - Evanescence
15. Sexyback- Justin Timberlake
16. ~~Money Maker - Ludacris featuring Pharrell~~
17. Smack That - Akon Featuring Eminem
18. Long Way To Go - Cassie
19. I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! At The Disco
~~20.~~ ~~Waiting On The World To Change - John Mayer~~
21. Get Up - Ciara featuring Chamillionaire
22. Chain Hang Low - JibbsSnap Yo Fingers - 'Lil Jon
23. London Bridge - Fergie
24. What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts
25. I Wanna Love You - Akon Featuring Snoop Dogg
26. The Black Parade - My Chemical Romance
27. Irreplaceable - Beyonce
28. Hurt - Christina Aguilera
29. Buttons - Pussycat Dolls featuring Big Snoop Dogg
30. Move Along - All American Reject
31. When You Were Young - The Killers
~~32. I Know You See It - Yung Joc Featuring Brandy 'Ms. B.' Hambrick~~
~~33. Walk Away - Paula DeAnda~~
34. Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood
~~35. Miracle - Cascada~~
36. Pullin' Me Back - Chingy featuring Tyrese
37. Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera
38. That Girl - Frankie J Featuring Mannie Fresh & Chamillionaire
39. Give It Up To Me - Sean Paul fearuring Keyshia Cole
40. Ring the Alarm- Beyonce
41. Sexy Love - Ne-Yo
42. Control Myself - LL Cool J featuring Jennifer Lopez
43. Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
~~44.~~ ~~So What - Field Mob featuring Snoop Dog~~
45. Deja Vu - Beyonce featuring Jay-Z
46. Maneater - Nelly Furtado
47. Dani California - Red Hot Chili Peppers
48. Call On Me - Janet and Nelly
49. Black Horse and the Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall
50. Me&U - Cassie

(I have the weirdest taste in music)

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 11:42:22 GMT

Finally the Mediator Fan Fiction Awards is over. The Winners' List can be seen here.

I won 2 awards, which is really cool What is slightly less cool is the fact that since Lauren and I are the organisers, I ended up having to make the banners so I had to make for myself, lol. But never mind. I only made banners for those who wanted them, so there were only 4 people....which resulted in 14 banners. Let's just say the same people won for more than one category

Anyway, here are my banners -

Now I have to go and get away from the computer for a while

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 05:35:24 GMT

I haven't been here in a long time! Mostly because -

1) I haven't written a fanfic since the last time I posted here, and
2) I don't know if I'm allowed to say this here () but I recently got obsessed with Livejournal and spent a lot of time there instead

I know I won't be writing fanfics forever, and right now I just want to finish off the ones I have. I'm looking forward to create some original work, whether it be stories or graphics, so I'm working towards that. I'm like obsessed with making icons now, hehe.

Oh, the Fan Fiction Awards is going well, I came up with a way so that I can vote as well. Only, in the second round, where there needs to be qualitative votes, some people are voting for a story because it has a certain element in it e.g. people making love, instead of focusing whether the story is good in terms of the plot/characterisations/language, etc. So it's kinda annoying.

Anyway, I've updated Chapter 10 of And My Alias Is, here's an excerpt -

First, breathe.

Second, think.

Now that my mind was fully functioning once again, I opened my eyes to make sure that I wasn’t imagining things.

The boy was still standing there, staring at me through translucent tears, and his body was still emitting that unmistakable undead glow.

“Are you alright?” he asked in his native tongue, and I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, because I should be the one asking him that. I mean, what kind of an adult I was, freaking out over a crying boy?

Granted, he was dead. And granted, I haven’t seen a crying dead boy for almost seven years. In fact, I haven’t seen any kind of dead boys, crying, not crying, happy, naughty, funny, whatever. So seeing one appearing out of nowhere now was both surreal and almost tear-inducing in some way.

“I’m alright,” I answered, even though my body felt cold and the place suddenly felt so foreign.

I felt pain in my chest, I discovered that I’d been holding my breath all this while, so I let it out, allowing my breathing to return to its normal pace.

Why now? Why here? Most importantly, why does this boy look familiar?

“Can you help me?” he asked again, having gathered himself and appearing quite calm even though he had been sobbing like it was the end of the world just a few seconds ago (he spoke in French of course, but I have thoughtfully translated our conversation into English for non-French speaking readers’ benefit).

That was the question, could I help him?

I knew that I couldn’t say no to him but any minute now, Carl will come back and we will return to the hotel and in a few hours, fly back to the US. I can pretend that this didn’t happen, or I could do something about it.

What would it be?

Monday, August 28, 2006

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 09:01:57 GMT

There's this Mediator Fan Fiction Awards going on at the Mediator Board at MCBC, and it's going well! The bad thing is, as one of the two hosts of the event (my co-moderator, Lauren's the other one), I can't vote I want to. Especially because most of the stories being nominated are just the same ones. I think I'm going to discuss with Lauren and see if we can't come up with a way that allows us to vote but without people thinking we're bias or something. Hmm...

Anyway, I wrote a one-shot based on one of the freakiest one-shots I ever did called The Girls I Adore, which I had posted here when it won The Dark Side contest on MCBC. This one-shot is a prequel to that, and is from the POV of one of the killer's victims. I got the inspiration from, who else, but the man they called Jonathan Nasaw.

This story has some violence, so be warned!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

26 Girls

- I -

I had the naïve impression that all educated men are respectable.

That was my first mistake.

The second mistake was, of course, allowing him to enter my life so freely, excited by the idea that someone like him could possibly be in love with me.

In my defense, I had never met anyone like him. He was sincere, kind, intelligent and well-spoken. He conversed attentively with me yet he never bragged about his knowledge. I only caught glimpses of them during the conversations we had and it intrigued me further. More importantly, he made me feel special.

Look, I wasn’t some outcast at school, a depressed and lonely soul yearning for attention by a special person and all that shit. I had great friends, I was invited to parties and to be honest, I was quite attractive. I knew that there were guys who were interested in me, and that was cool.

But in my arrogant mind, they weren’t good enough for me. High school guys knew nothing, I thought. I prefer older men, they were more mature and were more experienced in the relationship department. I’ve even dated older men before and I had a blast.

So yeah, when I met him, the fact that he was older made him more attractive in my mind. Besides the fact that the first time I saw him, he was pushing an old man in a wheelchair in the hospital, caring for the sick the way I had never seen a grown man done before. I had just been visiting a relative there, but after some introductions and formalities, I found out that he worked as an attendant at the hospital, but he was going to start working privately for some rich old guy who needed bed rest at home. I had never appreciated anyone’s dedication to their job as much as I did then. I didn’t even care that he was a male nurse, a job that my friends would definitely have made fun of. I only cared that he seemed to be attracted to me as I did to him.

Of course, if I had been rational, I should have realized something was off when he insisted we kept our relationship a secret. But I was too busy blushing when he complimented for the umpteenth time on how lovely my eyes were.

I never thought my eyes were that pretty, and I definitely didn’t think they were my best feature. They have a weird color, like olive green mixed with mud. From afar, you can’t even tell they were green.

But he told me they were unique. Just like me.

In retrospect, I know now that there were many signals, blinking like hazard lights from time to time, warning me about him and to not make another, and yet another mistake.

How could I have known that this dream man could turn out to be such a nightmare?

My biggest mistake though, was the fact that I fought back. I know that mothers everywhere tell their daughters that in case a man approaches you in an indecent way, you should fight and run. But in my case, fighting back was the one thing which turned everything around for me.

I didn’t know for sure if it wouldn’t have happened the way it did anyway. But maybe… everything could have turned out differently.

The nightmare started on the second month we’d been a so-called couple, so-called because no one knew about us being together. He had invited me to have dinner at his place, and I agreed. He lived alone in a comfortable, two-storey place in a relatively normal neighborhood and I had no reason to feel that anything was other than wonderful. After a delicious dinner, he told me that he had something to show me, and that I should stay put in the living room while he took whatever it was from his room upstairs.

No, you know what, I think my biggest mistake that I was too curious. Curiosity doesn’t just kill cats, as I belatedly found out.

When he left me there alone in the living room, I waited and waited. He didn’t show up after about five minutes, so I decided to take a look around his place. No harm there, I thought. Just a few photos on the wall, some certificates from his medical school, decorations on the mantelpiece above the small fireplace.

After about 15 minutes though, I started to get impatient. I called out his name, but he didn’t answer. The stairs was on far side of the house, and from where I was standing, it looked fairly dark there. But I didn’t know if something had happened to him or whatever, which was why I decided to go after him.

How funny that was when I looked back at it now. Something happening to him. As if anything could happen to him.

I started up the stairs slowly, pausing to look at the framed scenery pictures on the walls when I heard distinct voices of people talking. At first I thought it must have been the TV, but as I ascended the next flight of stairs, it was quite clear that the voices sounded agitated.

Why didn’t I turn around and leave? Why didn’t I just walked down the stairs and waited for him? Why, why, why?

I reached the top and turned to my left, where I heard the voices were. The floor was dark, with just a single source of lighting on the hallway. There were doors to three rooms on my left, and on my right was a hall, like a smaller living room. It was quite barren, except for a carpeted floor and large cases of aquariums on display against one side of the wall.

I stepped towards them, curious to see what the glass cases held, glowing yellow and green under numerous spotlights beneath the cases. When I got closer, I realized that they were displays of large, glittering marbles on top of dark cloths.

This surprised me, as he had never mentioned that he collected marbles before.

Then I realized the reason why he never mentioned it was because they weren’t actually marbles.

They were eyeballs. Shiny, blank, staring human eyeballs.

To my credit, I didn’t scream. I just froze, numb with shock, rationalizing with myself that those must be fake, after all, he used to be a medical student and he was used to being around fake human organs for practice, and I kept this in my mind, even as I slowly backed away from the hall.

They couldn’t be real. Because if they were…

I was aware that I had reached the top of the stairs, when I heard a door close behind me. I turned hurriedly, and tried to chase away the expression of a mixture of horror and repulsion that must have been showing on my face.

“Mark,” I said, and smiled, even though my face felt stiff and my hands were trembling. I clasp them together in front of me in what I hope was a casual manner.

Yet in my mind, I was wondering worriedly, who exactly was I dealing with here?

Mark just looked at me, his blond hair dark underneath the single light. I could barely see his expression, but when he took a step after me, I saw an expression so hostile that I recoiled in alarm. That was when I knew that he wasn’t fooled by my act.

Then he said something which I couldn’t comprehend. “I told Mark he should have tied you up,” he snarled.

I had a split second to puzzle over this statement before he slapped me hard across the face, causing me to spin, the stairs looming before me. I reached out to grab the railing but my foot slipped, causing me to lose my balance. Before I knew it, I was tumbling down the stairs like a ragdoll, the sharp edges of each step hitting my head, my back, so fast that I couldn’t even cry out and it felt like I was falling for an eternity, until finally I crumpled painfully at the bottom of the stairs. I tasted blood in my mouth before I blacked out.

- II -

When I awakened, I was lying on a bed in a white room, my head bandaged and my cuts tended. I was also wearing a pink nightgown, instead of the blue sweater and leather skirt I had put on for that evening.

It was a medium-sized room, furnished with a cupboard and a dresser. There was only one door, and there were no windows. I started to get up, but I couldn’t. My hands and feet were strapped to the bed, and that was when I realized this wasn’t a normal bed. It was a hospital bed, with railings at the side which had the functions to bind out-of-control patients as they were medicated.

Now it was used to trap me as a prisoner.

I struggled against the straps, panicked and helpless, when suddenly the doorknob clicked, and the door was pushed open.

He walked in, and I stopped struggling, fearful of what he might do.

He didn’t look so angry this time. He asked me how I was doing, and when I didn’t answer, he said he understood that I was traumatized by my fall, but he had taken care of me and bathed me and given me medicine to make me better.

I stared at him, horrified. He bathed me? While I was unconscious? What kind of a sick freak was he?

I voiced it out loud, and he looked at me disapprovingly. “You shouldn’t speak like that. He might hear you, and he might get angry again.”

“He? Who’s he? It was you who hit me! Now let me go!” I yelled, hiding the fact that I was sick with fear.

“I didn’t hit you. It was Max. Now keep quiet, you’re getting upset,” he said, smoothing my bed sheets.

Oh my God.

Max? There were two of them? Identical twins?

That was when I went crazy, yelling and screaming for help, even when he told me to be quiet. He said that all he wanted to do was love me, and if I wasn’t appreciative, Max would come back and he wasn’t going to be happy.

I didn’t listen. I fought back. Like I said, it was my mistake. Instead of agreeing to whatever Mark said and getting on his good side, possibly finding a way to let him trust me, I chose to fight back.

He just looked at me disappointedly, and then he left the room.

I didn’t know what time it was, and I didn’t know if my parents had started calling the police about my disappearance. I realized I didn’t tell anyone where I was actually going, lying that I was going to the movies with my friends instead.

I was in deep, deep trouble.

But my troubles were just beginning, from the moment the door opened again and he walked in. I knew that it was not Mark from the expression on his face, that pure hatred, pure disgust was plain to see. I shrank back, but he stalked over and unstrapped me roughly, before pulling me out of the bed. I tried to resist, my hip hitting the railing and I fell to the floor, but he didn’t care. He grabbed me by my hair and hissed at my face, “Didn’t he tell you to shut up? Are you deaf, or just stupid?”

Then he dragged to the other room, where it was starkly empty compared to the bedroom.

I couldn’t recall what happened after that. Suffice to say that by the time he was done, I was bleeding from about every part of my body. The cement floor was stained with blood, and as I lay there, shaking, the gown Mark had put on me almost torn in shreds, blinking the blood from my eyes, I realized that I had one thing to be thankful for. It was the fact that Max never violated me in a sexual way.

But as I blacked out once again, I realized that it might not be the same for Mark.

- III -

I woke up wearing another nightgown, this time in pale yellow, and lying on the same hospital-made bed. Mark was already waiting for me, and I somehow knew that he relished being the ‘good guy’, the medic who saved the poor, beaten girl.

“Now you see why you must behave?” he asked nicely, and I nodded slowly, my head screaming with agony and my limbs weak, as if I had just been thrown off a nine-storey building. My eyes were blurry with tears, but not from the pain. I realized that the pain I was feeling was not compatible with the way I had been left before, so he must have given me painkillers.

No, I was crying because I suddenly realized the possibility of never leaving this place again.

How could I ever fight with someone like Max?

“Don’t cry. You didn’t break anything, you only had a few major wounds and some bruises. I’ll take care of you. You’re my love,” Mark said, wiping my tear away.

I felt nauseated by his delusions that he was in love with me. It was sick.

But there was nothing I could do. However much I wanted to escape, I was in pain. I knew I had to recover before I did anything.

Just like he said, he took care of me. Changing my bandages, giving me food and medicine and…yes, bathing me in a small bathroom besides the room I was trapped in. I just shut my eyes and pretended he was a female nurse, but to my surprise, he didn’t touch me in the inappropriate places. It was as if he was on a job, keeping the professional distance.

I had a brief hope then, of being free. I hadn’t been out of that room ever since the work Max did on me, and I had no idea how many days had passed. But I noticed that Mark came only at certain times, and I guessed that he was still keeping his façade of a male attendant at the hospital.

How many girls had he fooled before?

I didn’t want to think about it, but the images of the eyeballs that I had seen, so distant in the past it felt like, kept popping up in my mind every now and then. Where did he get those? Were my eyes going to be displayed too? Is that why he kept complimenting them?

Whatever happens, I just hope that by the time my eyes are removed, I was already dead.

I never saw Max after that. I assumed that Mark was the brain, and Max was the muscle of the team. I was happy that he wasn’t around, for sure.

It felt like years, but finally I was able to move without pain. During those times when I was recovering, I wasn’t strapped to the bed and after I had agreed to behave, he didn’t strap me anymore. I felt hopeful again, and even though I was still locked in, I thought that one day I would be rid of this awful place.

That was before it happened.

I was lying on the bed, feeling cold and trying to fall asleep when Mark walked in. I looked up, and saw that he was wearing just a pair of boxers.

My heart lurched, and I started to shake uncontrollably, the one thing I had feared most coming into reality.

He moved to the bed and started to shush me, whispering words into my ear and acting like the goddamn loving boyfriend that he thought he was. I started to say no, and I pleaded with him, knowing fully well that if I said the wrong thing Max would come after me again, but I couldn’t.

It wasn’t because I was a virgin. In fact, I was not a virgin, having lost it about a year ago with my ex-boyfriend.

No, it was the fact that it was him. The man who made me prisoner, who caused me so much pain physically and mentally, was going to have sex with me.

But in the end, I stopped fighting. Mostly because I was afraid of Max. I was never the toughest girl at school, never the one who gets into fights, so being beaten up by a fully-grown adult male was all that I could ever take. If I could avoid it, I would.

Yet when it happened, I didn’t know if I wouldn’t rather get punched instead.

The most painful part of the whole ordeal was the fact that it was excruciatingly slow, because he chose to shower me with kisses and touches as if we were actual lovers. I wished so badly that he would have just done it quickly so that I could get over it and forget it ever happened.

He called what he did as ‘making love’. I called it rape.

When he was finally spent, I turned to my side and forced myself to sleep, choosing darkness over the diminishing ray of hope once again.

- IV-

I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted to sleep and never wake again. I was the sort of person who loved life and lived it to the very fullest, but in the coming days, I entertained the thoughts of ending it all. Like I said, I wasn’t a strong person. And I didn’t feel like I could bear this torture anymore. Yes, I wasn’t beat up physically, but to be around Mark when he pretended that we were in love, was as much of a torture to me.

Death, however glum it sounded, couldn’t have been worse than the hell I was living in.

He ‘made love’ to me twice more, and after the second time, I cried myself to sleep. I had started to forget who I was, if not for the fact that he kept saying my name, which only made me feel even more sickened and stinging with misery.

Finally I woke up and saw him standing at the foot of my bed, watching me sleep.

He smiled, and there was something different about him. He looked…joyful.

“Hi. I’m Matt. I don’t think we’ve met,” he said, looking at me through his clear blue eyes.

Matt? I stared at him, confused.

And then it dawned on me.

“You’re not twins? You’re…triplets?” I stammered, clutching the quilt to my chest. I was dressed, but I guess I felt like I had to protect myself from whoever this person was. Could he be worse than both of them?

He shook his head. “No, not triplets. That’s not important though. I’ve heard a lot about you from Mark and he’s right. You are very pretty.”

I gaped at him, scared and speechless.

“Are you okay?” he asked, concerned. He seemed normal, almost innocent and I suddenly felt like reaching out to him and asking him for help. But I knew then not to judge a book by its cover. I did that with Mark and look how that turned out.

“Matt…” I said, cautiously. “Where are Mark and Max?”

He shrugged. “They’re not here. I heard them arguing just now. Max is angry at Mark because he’s still keeping you around. He wants Mark to get rid of you and find some other girl.”

My heart almost jumped out of my chest, my pulse racing erratically. I knew that although Mark seemed to be the powerful one, what was stopping Max from getting rid of me himself? I swallowed painfully, and I knew I had to try to ask Matt for help.

It was risky, but I had to take a chance.

Slowly, I got out of the bed and stood up, my legs feeling like jelly. “Matt, I don’t know you at all, but I think you’re a nice person. And I need your help.”

I thought it must have been obvious what help I needed, but he just looked confused. I realized that he was not the smartest of them all.

“What help?”

Quickly thinking, I said, “Well, you know girls have that thing which comes every month? It’s that time of the month for me and…well, I’ve run out of supply here. I was wondering if you’ll let me run to the store and get some more?”

That sounded lame. Surely he couldn’t fall for that, I told myself anxiously.

But he looked like he was considering it. “I can get them for you, if you want. You don’t need to go.”

“No, no,” I shook my head, “I use only a specific kind and I’m the only one who knows. Look, I won’t be long, I’ll get out and come back before Mark knows.”

Matt looked reluctant. “He really doesn’t want you to leave…I could get in trouble.”

“I promise I would be fast. And I won’t tell him. He doesn’t need to know,” I said, hoping that my desperation didn’t echo in my voice.

He thought it over, before nodding. “Okay. I can take you there and then I’ll bring you back.”

I almost screamed with relief, feeling like I could collapse on the floor from the released tension. Sure, he could take me there but damn it if I didn’t come out with the whole SWAT team behind me.

Thank God that Matt was not gifted in the brain area.

He opened the door and led me out of the room, but not before asking if I wanted to change first since I was wearing only a nightgown. I declined, because the other clothes there were also nightgowns and I couldn’t care less what I wore as long as I could leave this place. I would walk in Wal-Mart naked as long as I was free.

I followed him down the stairs, looking behind me constantly, as if Max would jump out from the shadows and make me fall down the stairs again. The house was quiet, and I knew that Matt wasn’t lying when he said that his brothers were not there. But my heart was pounding so loudly, I was afraid they could hear it from wherever they were, causing them to rush back home and catching me on the act of escaping.

I didn’t want to know what Max would do if he sees me trying to run. I shuddered at the thought, and quickly crossed the hall towards the living room, where the front door was.

Almost there, I thought, barely able to contain myself. My whole body was tense, my nerves electrified by the prospect of being free again and I had to clutch my hands to my heart to slow my racing heartbeat, taking deep breaths to calm myself. Just a few more steps and you’ll get out of here, I told myself over and over.

We had reached the end of the living room when Matt suddenly paused, just a few feet away from the door.

I stopped, startled. “What’s wrong?” I whispered, glancing around me, dread creeping in again.

“He’s coming back,” Matt said in a small voice, but he kept his back to me.

I panicked, and realized that he must be looking out the window besides the door, where the driveway was. Oh shit.

“Is it Mark?” I whispered, starting to back away just in case I had to run up the stairs back into the room. Unless there was a back door or something, in which case I could run there and wait until he had entered the house, and run out front to the street. Could I take that chance?

I might never get this chance ever again, I thought frantically, trying to think of the possible ways which I could escape this prison.

But Matt spoke up. “No. It’s Max.”

Suddenly he groaned, and held his head like he was in pain. Then he straightened again, and slowly turned to look at me.

All the combined fear that I felt before was nothing, nothing compared to what I was seeing. One second Matt was standing in front of me, all helpful and pleasant, the next…

Max had taken his place, snarling, spitting and full of unadultered rage.

The pieces finally came together. There were no twins. There were no triplets.

All three of them were the same person.

Multiple-personality disorder.

Sociopath.

I turned and ran, even though in my heart I knew it was over. Maybe not the next moment, or the next day, but it was over because I could never leave. I could never escape this place, knowing what I knew now. There was no one to help me because no one knew I was there. It was all him. Just him.

I was proven right when I felt my hair being grabbed violently from behind, and I stumbled back, falling awkwardly to the floor. Max stood before me, and I braced myself for what I knew was coming.

“Who you’ve been talking to, bitch? You think I don’t know?” he sneered, and at that instant, I could never understand how this man could also be the caring nurse, or the innocent youngster.

And I guess that was when I gave up. “Go to hell,” I spat, quickly backing away as I tried to stand up.

He seized my arm and pulled me up to my feet, but I scuffled with him, not wanting to surrender so easily. I was so close to escaping, and now it was all for nothing. My resistance held out for a few seconds, before he gripped my arms behind me, shooting sharp pains up to my shoulders.

I stood there shakily, and he growled in my ear, “I am from hell.”

Then he started laughing, the first time I had ever seen him display another emotion rather than anger. But even his laugh had a contemptuous tone to it, like he was mocking me.

I didn’t have time to think about it much because next thing I knew, he had slammed my head against the mantelpiece, and everything went dark even before I hit the floor.

- V -

Mark was there when I woke up once again, but unlike the previous times, I flinched when I saw him. Despite whatever appearances he had, the differences in voice and mannerisms, it was still the same man. Inside of him, lurked the beast that was Max. It was no wonder that Matt only appeared after a long time since I’ve been captured; he must be the least powerful personality of the three. I doubt he would ever appear again.

But I wondered if there were only three of them, or if there were more personalities, all fighting for a chance to surface.

I didn’t need to worry though because it appeared that Mark had already laid a plan for me.

He was arranging a number of syringes on a tray placed on the dresser besides the bed. When he saw that I was awake, he walked over to me, looking sorrowful.

“I’m sorry about what happened. You shouldn’t have tried to run. I think it is my fault too because I hadn’t been paying enough attention to you. But I have to be honest with you now,” he paused, as if it was difficult for him to continue. “I’m no longer in love with you.”

I just looked at him, when I suddenly realized that I was strapped to the bed again.

All of a sudden, the gravity of my situation hit me, and I started crying. Huge, heavy sobs that were wrenched out of my empty soul, pathetic as I was. How could I ever try to rationalize everything that he had done? He was mentally-unstable, he was fucking insane, and how could anyone stand against a person who was so convinced in his distorted beliefs?

Being the crazy person that he was, he misunderstood my tears for disappointment that I no longer had his ‘love’. He stroked my hair and said softly, “I know, I’m sorry. But I’ve met another person, and she’s incredible. I can’t stop thinking about her. I’m sorry we had to end this way.”

I was shaking my head, marveling at the delusional ideas in his head. I didn’t understand how could he ever mistook what we had for love. But it was obvious that when he believed something, he believed it with all of his despicable being.

And the worst part was, he had another victim in his mind. I knew that as much as I wanted to leave and not be his prisoner anymore, I couldn’t let another girl take my place. No one deserved to go through what I had.

“Please,” I sobbed through my tears, “leave her alone.”

He frowned, and moved away. “Now, I know you’re unhappy, but Susannah’s the girl I love now. You can’t force me to stop loving her for you.”

Susannah. The name sounded familiar. It was not a common name, and I only knew one girl with that name before.

The girl who also had a pair of green eyes.

“Susannah Simon?” I whispered, feeling my body go cold. It couldn’t be her. What were the chances…no, it couldn’t be.

Mark turned to me, grinning. “That’s the girl. How do you know her?”

My throat was dry, and I felt a prickle at the corner of my eyes again. I couldn’t answer him, because it hurts too much. I knew Suze when we worked as babysitters at the Pebble Beach Resort last summer, and we had become good friends. That summer which felt like it had happened years ago.

I had to stop him. Already, he had started believing that he was in love with her and soon, he would move in on her. I knew it as sure as I knew that I could never see Suze again.

“You can’t go after her,” I said desperately. “She’s – she’s…”

But he cut me off. “Kim, there’s no need to be jealous. You won’t even see us together. You won’t feel the pain of heartbreak. I will take care of that. You will sleep and you will feel nothing but happiness.”

In the back of my mind, I already knew what those syringes were for. But now that it was obvious what he was planning to do, I was terrified.

I took back everything I said about wanting to leave the world. I was wrong. I wanted to live. I wanted to drive my car. I wanted to go to school and meet high school boys again. I wanted to babysit, for God’s sakes. I wanted all that and more.

“Mark, please,” I tried another approach, “since you want her, why don’t you let me go? I won’t bother you and her, I would just – stay away and…and I won’t bother you. Please? Just let me go.”

I looked at him in what I hoped was a pitiful expression, even though I was so frightened I could hurl. Especially when he had one of the syringes in his hand.

But he wasn’t swayed. He smiled sadly, and when he spoke next, it was as if he was trying comfort me. Yet how he could ever comfort me with those words, I would never know.

“I can’t let you go, Kim. You’re too beautiful to be wasted on a world that doesn’t appreciate you. But I will. Your pretty eyes can be number 26 in my collection, and I will look at them every, single day. I will never forget you.”

As he spoke, he injected whatever it was in the syringe into one of my bounded arms, and I could feel the cold liquid rushing through my veins. Already, I had started to feel calm.

I had never been a terribly good person. I rebelled against my parents, I slacked at school, and I took a drink every now and then. But I’d like to think that I had a good spirit, and I had never hurt anyone intentionally.

So saying goodbye like this, I couldn’t help but think that it was unfair.

My lids started to get heavier, and my breather slowed, becoming shallow. In those last moments, I didn’t think about myself. I thought about the 25 girls who had been in this position before me, and wondered if they thought it was unfair too, dying this way.

Then I thought about Suze, and I hoped against hope that maybe she would be the fortunate one who would break this cycle, and live out her life the way it was meant to be.

The life that I was no longer able to live.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 17:45:06 GMT

I just got a week break and I realised that I haven't done much of studying. At all. I've been playing computer games and watching TV and being sick with flu that I really didn't do much. And after the break, I have about 2 assignments to pass up, 2 tests to take and also a bunch of homework to do. Plus, I have classes this weekend as in tomorrow, yet it's already 2am and I'm not sleeping yet. I really don't know why I became so lazy. Sigh.

And I also completely forgot that I've updated Forbidden, Chapter 11. Here's an excerpt -

I drove back home that evening, declining Cee Cee’s parent’s invitation to stay the night over. I knew they had some relatives who were visiting and I didn’t want to interrupt any family stuff. Without Cee Cee there, I felt like an outsider, even though I knew her parents very well.

I had changed into my normal clothes when I left, and as soon as I arrived, I hung the dress that I wore for the wedding and took a quick shower, my soft bed beckoning me. I was exhausted beyond belief.

My feet ached from the high heels, my face itched from the make up I had been forced to put on and my eyes were spotty with all the flashes from the cameras today. I must have taken close to 50 pictures, with the bride and the groom, and the random people who wanted to take a picture with the maid-of-honor. I had never smiled so much in my life.

After the shower, I changed into one of my oversized T-shirts and promptly fell asleep.

The next day was a Sunday, so I had planned on sleeping in, guessing that I would be tired from the wedding.

I was right about being tired. What I was wrong on was the fact that I was able to sleep in.

This was because I was rudely awakened from my deep slumber by the door bell ringing insistently and annoyingly. At first I tried to ignore it, hoping that whoever it was would leave. But when it rang again and again, I groaned and turned over to the side table, searching for the clock.

It was 9.15 a.m. Who the hell wakes up this early on a freaking Sunday?

Groggy and pissed off, I slowly got up, put on my robe and stumbled sleepily to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. The bell rang again, and I yelled, “Coming!”

God, I was going to give an earful to whomever it was that had the nerve to wake me up this early. I mean, whatever the problem was, surely it could wait a few more hours.

I stalked to the door and unlatched the lock, preparing to yell my head off to that person. If it was the landlord or somebody from my apartment, there would be some broken cartilages. I figured I could get away with the defense of temporary insanity – or sleepiness.

Twisting the knob, I swung the door open, ready to rant.

But the person who stood there was someone I totally did not expect.

“Dylan? “

His blue eyes were cold. “We need to talk.”

Friday, August 18, 2006

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 05:30:50 GMT

Liverpool won 2-1! Haha! Boo to Chelsea!

I got this from my friend Doreen's Livejournal. It's so funny. I did it using my Ipod and I swear, this is the result. I didn't alter it at all. Check it out -

--------------------------------

Directions:
Put your music player on shuffle.
Press forward for each question.
Use the song title as the answer to the question.

How am I feeling today?
Outside – George Michael

Will I get far in life?
Of All The Gin Joints In All The World – Fall Out Boy

How do my friends see me?
Love Is All Around – Wet Wet Wet

Will I get married?
Simon – Lifehouse

What's my theme song?
Freakytime – Point Break

What is the story of my life?
Larger Than Life - BSB

How am I in bed?
Papercut – Linkin Park

How can I get ahead in life?
Good Day – The Click Five

What is my best feature?
Friday Night – The Click Five

How is today going to be?
Bed Of Lies – matchbox twenty

What is my life like at the moment?
Secret Smile - Semisonic

What song describes my secrets?
I Want It That Way - BSB

What is my current lover like?
Love Should Be A Crime – O-Town

What song will they play at my funeral?
Always Come Back To Your Love – Samantha Mumba

How does the world see me?
I’ll Take My Chances – The Click Five

Will I have a happy life?
By Myself – Linkin Park

What do my friends really think of me?
It Ends Tonight – All-American Rejects

Will I accomplish my goals in life?
Eternal Flame – Human Nature

Will I find true love?
You Won’t Be Mine – matchbox twenty

How do I treat others?
Quit Playing Games - BSB

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 10:48:50 GMT

It's funny that it's just been a month since the World Cup ended, but all the news of the final are gone. I think it's mostly because Italy's win was overshadowed by the domestic troubles of the Italian football clubs, and also Zidane's infamous headbutt on Materazzi in the final match. So everyone is too busy talking about that, and the player transfers to really dwell on Italy's win. But you know, they still won and people don't forget that easily, as seen in the way Italy's captain Cannavaro was received when he appeared with his new club Real Madrid in their pre-season tour in the US.

Well, I personally cannot wait for the new English Premier League season to start, with the Community Shield kicking things off tonight between Chelsea and Liverpool. No doubt which team I want to win - hint: the team is also known as the Reds - but I'm also excited to see the new signings in Chelsea playing in England for the first time. Should be really exciting!

I updated my fic, And My Alias Is, and here's an excerpt of Chapter 9 -

“Hey Suze?”

I glanced up at the sound of Adam’s voice, wondering what other jokes he was planning this time. But when I saw his face, I realized that whatever he was about to say, it was something serious.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, concerned.

He hesitated. Then in a strange gesture, glanced over his shoulder to look at the back of the restaurant where Cee Cee had disappeared into before looking at me again.

“I don’t know if this is a big deal or what, but it was just so weird,” he said slowly, as if thinking whether to tell me whatever it was that was bothering him.

“Adam, you’re not making sense. What is it? You know you can tell me,” I assured him, but I was feeling a bit freaked by his behavior. I hadn’t seen him this serious since...well, since he broke up with his last girlfriend a few months ago. It was a bad breakup. Really bad. We thought he might even turn gay at some point. But luckily for me, he didn’t. I’d hate to think I’d have to compete with my own guy friend for a man’s attention.

“Well…it’s Connor.”

The moment he said that name, all alarms went blaring in my head. Silently telling myself to stay cool, I said quite calmly, “What about Connor?”

If he was cheating on Cee Cee, I swear I’ll kick his butt from here to Alaska.

Adam leaned forward, speaking quickly, as if he wanted to get it over with. “It’s nothing, really. It’s just that I bumped into him in First Interstate last week, and he acted like he didn’t know me. I thought maybe he didn’t see me, but he looked straight at me, and then walked away like I was a stranger.”

I frowned, not expecting to hear that. I thought he might have seen Connor did something incriminating, or suspicious.

“Maybe he was busy? Or maybe he saw you but didn’t really see you, because he was too distracted?” I suggested.

Adam shook his head, his dark hair falling over his eyes. “That’s what I thought too, but as he was leaving, he walked right past me and I nodded at him, but he just looked blank. Like he didn’t recognize me, or chose not to recognize me. I’m pretty sure he recognizes me, we’ve met enough times, so why would he pretend to not know me? I just don’t get it.”

“Are you sure it was Connor? Not someone who looks like Connor?”

Adam fixed me a do-you-think-I’m-stupid look, and I said quickly, “Right. Of course.”

He was right. This was weird.

I stirred my drink absently, thoughts swirling in my head like the water in my glass. I couldn’t get my head around it. Why would Connor act like that? What agenda does he have?

I really had no idea, and it disturbed me.

Adam sighed. “I didn’t want to tell Cee Cee because I know how much she loves the guy, and maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing. But if he was being rude on purpose, then maybe he’s not as good as she thinks he is. I don’t know, what do you think?”

For a second I considered telling Adam what I heard Connor said in his phone conversation a few weeks back, but then I decided against it. He didn’t need to be a suspicious paranoid like me and I didn’t want him to wonder why I didn’t say anything about it to him earlier.

“Maybe there’s an explanation. I don’t think we should be worried yet, and I definitely don’t think we should tell Cee Cee about it. Like you said, it could be nothing…”

I wished I sounded more convincing. But Adam seemed to take my words with relief, like I had just confirmed what he was hoping to hear.

“You’re right. Maybe next time he comes to dinner with us, I’ll ask him what happened that day.”

I couldn’t respond because Cee Cee was making her way back to our table, so I just nodded to him.

What I was thinking at that moment was actually that I didn’t have time for this CSI (Connor’s Secret Investigation). But I knew if something happened later, something which I could have stopped and I didn’t do anything about it until it was too late, I would regret it forever.

No one was going to disturb this part of my life. And when I come back from my trip, it was time I conduct a proper inquiry into Connor and his life. I don’t care if Cee Cee thinks I’m too intrusive, it was better to be safe than sorry.

Of course, I didn’t know then that by the time I return from Paris, my life was no longer the same.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 12:41:26 GMT

I just started my new semester and scarily enough, it's my last one! Eep! So I won't be studying that much longer, unless I take a Master's degree or something, which is another story. But yeah...leaving college and working...freaky

All my subjects this last sem are sucky, but I hope I can get good results for the last time. One of my lecturers talk about football in class though, so that's really cool. He makes comparisons between teams and the topics, and if he keeps on at it during the whole semester, I think I can sail through the subjects, hehe. Any subject becomes more interesting when football is involved

Anyway, I updated And My Alias Is, and here's an excerpt of Chapter 8 -

Los Angeles

“I’m sorry, Susannah, but that is not possible.”

I exhaled loudly, trying to keep my temper in check. Which was not easy, let me tell you. I was sitting in Dominic’s office, trying to negotiate a change of partner for me after the recent ‘events’. But instead of giving me full support like I thought he would, Dominic has refused to comply. And it was really getting on my nerves.

“Look, Dominic, I know that I just started working here for about a month and I just asked you for a favor regarding that New York trip, but I thought –”

“It is not that,” Dominic interrupted me, which was slightly out of character. He usually just waits and listens to what I have to say. Maybe he’d gotten tired of hearing me rant about Jesse for the past 15 minutes. “I have told you, you and Jesse are the most experienced agents we have at the moment in DN-9, not including Carl Walden. That is why I chose you to be his partner in the first place. Besides, there aren’t any other agents to take his place.”

“Can’t I swap partners with another agent? Jake Foreman, maybe?” I suggested hopefully.

Dominic was not amused, as if I has suggested swapping husbands and wives for a swingers’ party instead. “Jake has his own partner, and no, there is no swapping of agents in this branch. You and Jesse will have to work out your differences and learn to work together.”

“But he stalked me!” I cried out, not caring that my voice sounded high-pitched and weird. “What kind of an agent does that to his partner? It’s wrong! Plus, very creepy!”

He sighed. “Yes, Susannah, you’ve made that very clear. I may be old, but please don’t think I am deaf.”

“Then you understand my position? I can’t work with someone who can’t trust me.”

Fixing his bright blue eyes on me, Dominic contemplated before saying, “I am not going to excuse Jesse’s actions, but you have to understand that he did what he did with your best interests at heart.”